Not a victim….a SURVIVOR!!

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One of my favorite art forms is collaging.  I could spend days looking through magazines, cutting out words and pictures.  I have a whole scrapbook sleeve full of stuff I’ve cut out already.  When I make a collage, I usually don’t go in to the process knowing what I want it to look like, say or have pictures of.  I start by choosing some sort of background because I generally hate having white, open space in my collages.  After that, I just start picking out words and pictures that jump out to me and a theme starts to form.  Usually that theme is about my feelings at the moment, or what I’m struggling with or thinking about at the moment.  In my collages, you can definitely tell my good days versus my bad days.  Honestly, there are a lot more bad days, than good ones….but there is hope!  I know there is an end in sight.  I know that someday I’ll feel able to cope with life better.  I know I’m not alone.  I know I’m safe, loved, cared for and special…all in wonderful ways.

This collage was definitely a bad day when I was thinking about my childhood sexual abuse.  I carry so much shame and guilt about what happened.  Sometimes I think the abuse was my fault.  Sometimes I still feel scared that the man who hurt me will come back and hurt me again.  I know that there is no way that will ever happen, but it’s just one of those irrational fears I have sometimes.

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